"Unforgiveness is like lighting yourself on fire and hoping the one that hurt you dies of smoke inhalation."

-Author Unknown

04.28.

I almost lost this one...

That hit me hard! Harder than I expected it to...so I decided to call it a night.

I knew very well what I was doing; I was giving up.

I lied down and cried...& just lied there...knowing that I wasn't going to feel any stronger in the morning if I went to sleep that way...(& that made me cry harder.) Knowing I should get up, but strength was no where to be found. So, I just lied there...acknowledging the fact that I'm physically (& spiritually) tired...acknowledging that I'm hurt & that I have every right to be...I'm discouraged & feel as if I can't go on...but then I remembered how my aunt explained to me how important it is to deal with unforgiveness and anger before proceeding to the next day. So then I knew I had to do something...

Miraculously, strength arrived. So, I got up. I realized that everyone hurts...& whether the pain is intentional or not, everyone needs a Saviour. Needs the Saviour. Therefore, who am I to not forgive?

It hurts, but I can't be in my feelings during this season...during this process. So, God...take my withered heart and just hold it for me. Because I don't want it in my hands during this time...

I Love You.

& with everything (that's not in me), I trust You.

To Whom It May Concern:

To everyone who dipped out on me:

I'm not gonna say "Thank You." Instead, I'm sorry you missed my growth. & that's not in a sarcastic tone either...just saying. I've grown...

I guess I needed you during that particular season, but I can't say that you're missed now. What I mean is I don't miss the pain you caused me...that's all I remember about you now.

Saw you the other day & I'm glad to see you're doing well! Still care for you a great deal...still would be there if you called...but I just couldn't stand around any longer...just being another piece of furniture in the home of a hoarder.

I had to live for me.

"Then" was goodbye...Now is "I'm sorry you missed the process"...it could've blessed you.

Wounded Soldiers.

My aunt told me that "A wounded soldier that stays down lies there to die."

But it's so comfortable...& numb. You're lying in death, BUT you still have a choice. You can get up when you're ready...

But the longer you stay down, the more reasons you find to get up later...the more you believe you don't deserve better. But in reality, those same parts that are hurt are necessary to assist you in getting up.

You're gonna feel it on the way up...you're gonna feel that pain if you chose to move. But what weakens you when you're down, will make you stronger once you get up...

But it all starts with a choice...

Don't take life personal if it's all spiritual.

No Pain...No Gain.

"The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak."