I hate when my heart is heavy.

& my hands are tied up, so they can't help balance the weight. Tied up working against what's good for my heart. actually.

I try to listen...try to hear my heart...but it's a lot quieter these days...sometimes way too quiet to the point that I have to question the validity of its presence.

I mean, if you push someone away & ignore what they have to say long enough, soon enough they'll go away. No wonder you've had nothing to say...

But this is my way of begging my heart to beat again...I won't abuse you this time. Won't suppress you. Just express you...speak for you, since no one else will listen.

Because if nobody else will listen, I will.

#BlairWingo

#lowkey. just slipped under the radar...

really feel'n this track.

Love God.Love People.

I've been trying to understand 1 Corinthians 13 for about two weeks now...constantly reading different versions of it& reviewing it...just trying to grasp it...but while doing this, I was being tested on it.

I was dealing with two different relationships with two different people that are both close to me...but I was loosing them both. One was hurting me, but fighting to hold on to me and the other was hurting me by pushing me away...I felt helpless in both cases, but I still was pushing myself to show love...still be patient...understanding.

& reconciliation looked far fetched on both ends...But God.

Reconciliation has different forms really...it's not always "let's work it out", but it's always a happy ending.

In only one case, did I sit down and talk things out...

In the other, I had to choose to forgive & release this person...(hurt me for sure, but I had to.) Happy ending...

It's been so much to learn, but I'm learning to take it all in...but for sure, I learned how to love. & am still learning...

"Unforgiveness is like lighting yourself on fire and hoping the one that hurt you dies of smoke inhalation."

-Author Unknown

04.28.

I almost lost this one...

That hit me hard! Harder than I expected it to...so I decided to call it a night.

I knew very well what I was doing; I was giving up.

I lied down and cried...& just lied there...knowing that I wasn't going to feel any stronger in the morning if I went to sleep that way...(& that made me cry harder.) Knowing I should get up, but strength was no where to be found. So, I just lied there...acknowledging the fact that I'm physically (& spiritually) tired...acknowledging that I'm hurt & that I have every right to be...I'm discouraged & feel as if I can't go on...but then I remembered how my aunt explained to me how important it is to deal with unforgiveness and anger before proceeding to the next day. So then I knew I had to do something...

Miraculously, strength arrived. So, I got up. I realized that everyone hurts...& whether the pain is intentional or not, everyone needs a Saviour. Needs the Saviour. Therefore, who am I to not forgive?

It hurts, but I can't be in my feelings during this season...during this process. So, God...take my withered heart and just hold it for me. Because I don't want it in my hands during this time...

I Love You.

& with everything (that's not in me), I trust You.