Part 1.

Ok..."pride"...smh.

Learn something new everyday in this area...

So, the other night, I was journaling...(which is a miraculous process. I recommend it to everyone!)...& I started seeing words on the paper that formed ideas that had never crossed my mind before!

I started to think about some of the most perverse things I've done & how I despise myself for it...& then I was like, "Hold up! I despise myself?"...Wow. Didn't know. SO then I came face to face with some issues concerning self that I never dealt with. I then saw how I perceived myself and it disturbed me.

Then God showed me my pride and how it coincides with the issues I have with myself. For example, when the semester was about to end, I had some huge breakdowns! I wanted to return to somethings that I have been free from for a good amount of time! Why? Because I felt like, "Why not? & Who gon stop me?" I knew that regression will completely demolish my personal development & I was ok with that. I knew what I was doing to myself and couldn't wait to do it.

There's a lot of deception involved in pride tho...cuz I'm think'n "I'm look'n out for myself..take'n care of myself...(& who gon stop me?)"...but I was completely about to ruin myself.

& I knew it.

What does all this mean? God showed me that if I don't deal with my issues with self, that being prideful will be the closest I'll ever come to "loving myself."

This blew me away, because it made all the sense in the world...I can honestly say I'm not aware of my value and my worth...pride has blinded me! I've believed that I must settle for whatever the flesh desires, because I can do what I want & "Who's gon stop me?"

I gotta stop myself! So I can begin to love myself.