It felt so good rolling into town...hadn't been here in a while...

Drove straight to St. Louis University to see them work my guys from TSU...smh. They've always been really good...fundamentally sound. Still sport'd ma TSU gear tho :) After the game, I spent the next hour searching for my car in downtown STL with my two cousins...lolol. Crime rates are hiiiiiiigh, so we definitely thought it got stolen...smh.

Came home! Saw my fam! Felt good...but then my nite start'd to take a little turn...

When it was time to settle down, I walk'd around the house & all these memories start'd to flood ma mind...I walk'd in & out of rooms that I was tormented in...to no end & I began to remember it like it was yesterday. I glanced at the corners that I caved in...it felt so real again. I felt uneasy...had to make myself go to sleep.

It made me feel good when my little cousins told me they missed me...one of my lil cousins ask'd me why I left them & it made my heart D...R...O...P... dude. Explained to him I'm still around & always will be. Later that nite, I pull'd two of my lil girl cousins (14 & 16) into my Uncle's studio & lock'd the door to keep the boys out. I let them talk...they completely opened up to me!...(which shocked me cuz they didn't hold ANYTHING back)...I told them my story & they were SHOCKED...but now they know they got me & I'm here forever...I told 'em..."I turned to the wrong things, because I had so much going on & no one to talk to...let alone someone who understood. I refuse to let that be the case for ya'll."

I got several wake up calls this weekend tho...concerning the law...relationships...man, just life.

Rode around the city...saw the motel that was the hide out/smoke out spot for a minute...look'd my ex "roll dog" in her face as she told me that she now robs people...drove down the street I grew up on...heard that one of the lil boys I fought for stick'n his hand in my double dutch rope was now lock'd up for raping a lil white girl...

I'm glad to be out of this area, even though I miss my family like crazy. I got to see my aunt; she's one of my favorite people in life. I love that lady. Made an effort to spend time wit my Grandmother...I'm crazy about her! Took her to see For Colored Girls...(my second time seeing it & it STILL was the same kind of amazing!)...& we hit up White Castle's! Lol...my little gma♥

Got a few hours left here...wash'n & pack'n. I don't wanna leave man!...& one individual is currently play'n a huge role in me wanting to stay :(

But I gotta hit the road...get back to where I'm supposed to be in this season. Needless to say, I enjoyed my break...learn'd a lot...just need to process it.

Goodnite Illinois.