Don't Watse Your Life!...(please don't).

God is a merciful God. Everyday that you open your eyes, you have a choice to make...You can either choose to grow or waste the day. & when I say "grow", I mean become a better person. & when I say "watse the day", I don't mean sleep all day. You can fly half way around the world to complete your bucket list & still waste your day. I'm talk'n growing in God... not being content where you are, but striving to go higher.


It's extremely easy to not try & go on with your everyday routine of waking up, texting back whoever texted you, eating, showering, checking your facebook...twitter...hooking up with whoever, head back home, talk on the fone until you fall asleep...& do it all again the next day, week, month, year.......& then a year goes by and you look up & realize that you're still in the same place in your life as you were last year....that's not progress! That's not growing.

Like me, you've been given a dream and a vision that you're supposed to be working towards. You can have all the potential in the world, but you're a failure without effort! Faith without works is dead!!

Growing is a beautiful thing...it's along the lines of learning something new everyday! It's beautiful! Yielding to God at the top of your day is truly honoring Him...ask Him to show you what He wants you to see on that particular day...ask Him what it is that He wants to teach you...what does He want you to go to bed meditating on...what is it that He wants to reveal to you about yourself so that you can correct it. & before you know it, He will have molded, developed, and equipped you to take you even higher. It's an amazing process...amazing journey...but you have to be sober minded...& deny yourself. Your flesh will definitely try to rise & take over. The flesh HATES growth. Deny yourself.

We're on borrowed time anyway...you better seek God. We owe it to Him & so much more. Remember that! Don't waste your day...don't watse your life...

My search will not end...

Seems like I spent this whole life of mine
Searching & searching trying to find...
A life filled with love that You already gave
Because of the searching, it pulled me away...

Found all the heartache

Found all the pain

Found all the drama...

Found all the shame

But my search will not end.

No, my search will not end...

Until I find myself lost in you again♥

-Fred Hammond

Life is music & I don't wanna miss a beat!

true meaning of obedience.

Man! It seems like all I can see are the things that are about me!!...& that's not reality. I deny myself.

OBDIENCE

#quote

Since I think with my heart, let me tell you what's on my mind..."I love you."

Love & Basketball♥

So, I fell in love when I was about nine...with a grown tail man named Wilson♥ This is Wilson--->

& I love him! We were going strong for SEVEN WHOLE YEARS!!...(by far, my longest lasting relationship everrrr)...& we just got better with time. People noticed us...I mean, we were a BIG DEAL...but we soon had to break up......

I got hurt in this relationship during my jr. year of high school...blew ma knee out...(MCL...#epicfail.) I was heart broken...

I did everything I could to get him back! I mean, I saw thereapists...I work'n on my own...got in better shape, but Wilson had moved on...did I mention I was heartbroken?

But after about two years, Wilson has found my heart again...& he has pursued it HARD. Just when I was extremely close to giving up on the thought of us ever being together again...he start'd showing up in my dreams. & I thought to give him another shot, & now, I can honestly say that there's not a day that goes by where we're not spending time together. I love him & this kind of love is forever♥

But Wilson is not the only one competing for my heart...there's this guy...(actual real person) that is coming in first place at the moment...won't release his name just yet. #justknow. but anyway, he just so happened to meet some of ma fam already; which definitely wasn't planned! But since we've been spending a lot of time together & I've been spending a lot of time with my family, it's only right to introduce him! So yea...he's winning. The fam likes him...my little cousins love him!! & you know that's huge!!

I just might be in love with two men...& as bold as I am, I introduced them to each other Monday night. The three of us spent time together...♥ Turns out that Wilson & my guy know each other (no homo)...so we all got along quite well.

*Well...since I think with my heart, I thought I'd tell yu what was on my mind. Things are going well right now...& if all three of us continue to get along, I just might make a movie.

Might call it Love & Basketball♥

So, I've been M.I.A. for a minute because this stupid internet key won't read on my laptop anymore...so I have to use Mom's♥ But I'm about to be devoted, because there's a lot taking place this days...

*So...back to "exploring the depths" of growing up...it's actually an amazingly deep concept! I always figured growing up was:

• Getting taller!
• Mom & Dad exstending curfew.
• First job...first car.
• & all the other typical/fairytale stuff......

When it has turned out to be so much more than that...which shocks me everyday. Didn't know you could grow everyday...

Well...as of now, I'm learning that it's still ok to mess up & have struggles...I was goin so hard for so long that I thought it was unacceptable to be human anymore...*Thank God for Jesus♥

I'm surely growing everyday...& I'll start reporting more so this process can be recorded...#imout

#explanation

*First, let me clear up the top pic. I'm in NO WAY into the whole..."third eye/enlightenment crap"...it's simply a picture of my right eye...lol. On this site, you're looking through my eyes & walking in my shoes...& that's why I chose it.

Wow.

Got the news this morning that one of my classmates was shot to death last nite............"How do you respond to news like that?" Felt like something hit me...knock'd the wind outta me...how can people be so heartless?!! The nerve of them to take someone else's life!! (Yea, I know this happens everyday, but in my narrow little close minded mind, it's still wrong...)...this is crazy.



Araybia, you had to be the sweetest, preetiest, prittsiest...lol...GOOFIEST, friend I had in high school. Seriously. You put a smile on everybody's face by just being your softspoken self...& then you had your beautiful baby boy...gorgeous lil boy. I remember playing with him & talking to you before I went off to school. You wished me the best & we promised to keep in touch....



(Yea)...this hurts...life's so short! When you woke up yesterday, I bet you never imagined that it would your last...I didn't either. I love you forever girl....& you'll forever be missed. Rest well!

#definingmoment

"What I'm carrying must be life changing, because carrying it is changing my life."

It's as if I cut a vein & let these words bleed.

Hypnotized. But with open eyes...

Heavy heart, but no pulse.

Possibly head'd down to where the lifeless go...

Petrified of take'n this road.

Wanna turn back, but...#shrug

I just don't know.

My pride is in overdrive.
"Ms. Understood" is tattooed across my mind...
Why? Oh why?

This can't be real. 

Anxious to throw the towel in...

Seal the deal.

Eager to kill the noise.

Drown the pain.

The old way...by doing the old things...

I'm talk'n about mind altering drugs.

Immoral kisses and hugs.

& since my pride is in overdrive, 

there's no guarantee that my desires will be denied.

No lie.

I'm seriously hypnotized. But with open eyes...

Trance like stage.

Thoughts aren't mine.

Mind is occupied.

Though they're persuasive, I refuse to believe a lie...

So, now I'm battling.

#sigh.

Why? Oh Why?

Bound and chained with 10 year old lies...

Wanna be tough.

"Nope. I don't cry." 

I just (#sigh.)

Turn away from the sky

To solely rely on my pride.

Somehow, I believe freedom is still attainable.

Though this period in my life is unexplainable.

& my strength is unsustainable...

But through this pain, I must still be trainable.

Hypnotized. But with teary eyes...

Cold tears have awaken me...

Now conscious of where the grip of torment has taken me

And how it has mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually shaken me

Attempting to establish me as a full time vacancy

Running full force into God

He's break'n me down...no place to hide.

And he tells me He wants me to fight!

But more importantly abide!!

And Even in my disobedience, He boldly promised...

"I won't let you be buried alive!"