It's as if I cut a vein & let these words bleed.

Hypnotized. But with open eyes...

Heavy heart, but no pulse.

Possibly head'd down to where the lifeless go...

Petrified of take'n this road.

Wanna turn back, but...#shrug

I just don't know.

My pride is in overdrive.
"Ms. Understood" is tattooed across my mind...
Why? Oh why?

This can't be real. 

Anxious to throw the towel in...

Seal the deal.

Eager to kill the noise.

Drown the pain.

The old way...by doing the old things...

I'm talk'n about mind altering drugs.

Immoral kisses and hugs.

& since my pride is in overdrive, 

there's no guarantee that my desires will be denied.

No lie.

I'm seriously hypnotized. But with open eyes...

Trance like stage.

Thoughts aren't mine.

Mind is occupied.

Though they're persuasive, I refuse to believe a lie...

So, now I'm battling.

#sigh.

Why? Oh Why?

Bound and chained with 10 year old lies...

Wanna be tough.

"Nope. I don't cry." 

I just (#sigh.)

Turn away from the sky

To solely rely on my pride.

Somehow, I believe freedom is still attainable.

Though this period in my life is unexplainable.

& my strength is unsustainable...

But through this pain, I must still be trainable.

Hypnotized. But with teary eyes...

Cold tears have awaken me...

Now conscious of where the grip of torment has taken me

And how it has mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually shaken me

Attempting to establish me as a full time vacancy

Running full force into God

He's break'n me down...no place to hide.

And he tells me He wants me to fight!

But more importantly abide!!

And Even in my disobedience, He boldly promised...

"I won't let you be buried alive!"