My nights are filled with thoughts of you.
& my days with memories.
We have been since time began.
Hard to believe that now we're history...

& it hurts.

To think back on all the work we put in.
& to try to count how many times we promised we'd never end.
I lost a friend...

& it hurts.

To know we were cautious, but still had a crash landing.
I wish we could've seen this from the beginning...
Would've been more cautious approaching the ending.

& it hurts.

To ride through our old spots without you...
Now, I gotta settle for the drive-thru.
This is what my days & nights have come to.

& it hurts.

To accept the truth.
To embrace what's new.
& to put my heart & soul on this paper, because I can't give it to you.

& it hurts.

I Wish.

I wish I would've met you before I met people. I would've modeled myself after you rather than them...I would've known that love actually is patient...& kind. I wouldn't have had to look any further for all I needed...wouldn't have had to run from person to person, hoping that they possess a part of me that I need. I would've known to just trust you...

I would value your opinion more than anyone else's...I would read my Word more. When you spoke, there wouldn't be any room to question anything. I wouldn't be so obsessed with timing either. I would've been learned to just chill...just relax and know you got me.

We would've had an amazing, intimate relationship. I'd be better at dealing with pain. We hurt you all the time, but you never take your heart from us...you just keep right on loving. You are love & I wish I could've met you before I met people.

Jesus met You first, & clearly, He was better off...

I hate when my heart is heavy.

& my hands are tied up, so they can't help balance the weight. Tied up working against what's good for my heart. actually.

I try to listen...try to hear my heart...but it's a lot quieter these days...sometimes way too quiet to the point that I have to question the validity of its presence.

I mean, if you push someone away & ignore what they have to say long enough, soon enough they'll go away. No wonder you've had nothing to say...

But this is my way of begging my heart to beat again...I won't abuse you this time. Won't suppress you. Just express you...speak for you, since no one else will listen.

Because if nobody else will listen, I will.

#BlairWingo

#lowkey. just slipped under the radar...

really feel'n this track.

Love God.Love People.

I've been trying to understand 1 Corinthians 13 for about two weeks now...constantly reading different versions of it& reviewing it...just trying to grasp it...but while doing this, I was being tested on it.

I was dealing with two different relationships with two different people that are both close to me...but I was loosing them both. One was hurting me, but fighting to hold on to me and the other was hurting me by pushing me away...I felt helpless in both cases, but I still was pushing myself to show love...still be patient...understanding.

& reconciliation looked far fetched on both ends...But God.

Reconciliation has different forms really...it's not always "let's work it out", but it's always a happy ending.

In only one case, did I sit down and talk things out...

In the other, I had to choose to forgive & release this person...(hurt me for sure, but I had to.) Happy ending...

It's been so much to learn, but I'm learning to take it all in...but for sure, I learned how to love. & am still learning...