Still Hope.

Walls are caving in
The tears are starting again
But if I won’t begin
There’ll be no end
It’s just so hard
So many questions
So much I don’t understand
So many unlearned lessons…
I guess
This is the biggest test
That’s ever been placed in front of me
& the test looks quite familiar
But the answers are foreign to me

This is sickening
Waking up & lying down with a heavy heart
Paranoid
Devoid of a clean start
Because of this pain
This deep pain…
Man…
Reminds me of the lame man…
When Jesus told him “Rise! Take up your bed & walk.”
Thinking on it now, he had to think Jesus was all talk…
He had been there so long…
& then this man comes along…
Makes a suggestion.
A proposition…
I mean…did he really know his position?
How could he think it could be that simple??
For Pete’s Sake…He’s a cripple!!
He didn’t take into consideration how weak he might’ve been…
Didn’t even help him up…
& when I look at the reality…
I realize that this is the bitter cup that has been placed in front of me

Must I drink from it?
I mean, I’ve tried!
I’ve sip’d…
It was too strong
Is that why I’ve been here this long?
I mean, I could write a song…
It would go like “la la la…I’M TIRED OF THIS!”
Is this a trick?
How come I couldn’t pick
A smaller cross?
How come I couldn’t pay a smaller cost?

I don’t wanna sound like a soap opera…
I just wanna tell the truth
“Nishia, what’s wrong?”
“Nothing.”
& as you walk away I think “Yeah,, I just lied.”
& you know it, because you’re starring in the eyes that just cried.

I apologize if sob stories are all I produce.
It really sucks, but I’m getting kinda use to it…
I HATE THIS.
I guess I should end on a happy note…
“God is still on the throne…
…so there’s still hope.”