another ephphany? really?

I feel like cussing...another epiphany dude! I don't know WHY it didn't dawn on me before!

It's been hell tryna understand why I don't let people in & why I fear them leaving me...it's because of my COUSIN! We went thru our whole life together! literally! even used to dress alike...! only 10 months older than me. Yu didn't see one without the other...& every single problem I had in ma childhood, she had...we swore we would help each other thru life...

When life got too much to handle, we smoked together...we rebelled...lied together. She took care of me dude...when I felt like giving up, she was there. Had ma back...called me out of school at least twice a week so I can ride around with her...& when she saw I wasn't happy, she'd just roll up another...

I let my cousin all the way in...she knew it all! Until she left...now she knows nothing. I looked her in her face the other day & didn't see her...

I wanna refrain from blaming her, because "life happened", but I can't. I just now realized that it hurt me...so let me admit it: it hurt me. I thought we were down forever & yu left me dude...to chase the stuff yu still chasing to this day...hope it was worth it man.

No wonder I answer people kinda rough when they ask have I heard from yu...I'm upset & didn't know.

My life is starting to make sense to me...